Day 5 Blotchy Red Face that Feels Like a Bad Sunburn

I cheated and wore alittle bit of makeup to the wedding yesterday.  I waited a few hours after applying my medication before putting the makeup on. I still looked red, if anything it calmed the blotchy spotty effect a little. It did not seem to be any worse than normal (chemotherapy normal, not to be mistaken with pre chemotherapy normal).  I also promised myself that I was only wearing it because of the wedding and I will not do it again.
I got a few comments from people close to me about my health, and that it should come first.  The doctor knew about the wedding.  This was not the kind a thing a week here or there was going to make any difference on.  He was 100% on board with my decesion.  I am not in danger of dropping dead at any moment or anything.  Also if I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it.  I've been let down by others who don't take their commitments seriously, and I could not let a bride down right before her wedding if it could be helped.  That would have caused me more stress than just timing it so I could do the wedding, which I am very glad I did.  It all turned out fine, and I felt such a load off my shoulders last night when it was over.
Today I am really red and blotchy.  It hurts and it hurts worse to go out in the sun. I'm avoiding taking anything for the pain yet, it's tolerable at the moment.  I'm taking my middle son, who is 8, to go see Harry Potter in 3D IMAX , I know it will hurt a bit, but he needs his time with me too.  I will probably get looks today, but it's still not that bad and once I get into the movie theater it will be nice and dark which is appealing to me today. 
I don't put the medication near my eyes or on my lips.  I've been using more Carmex and lip balm than normal, and I feel constantly dehydrated and chapped.  My mouth feels very tight today. I'm drinking lots of water, no alcohol by choice.  Just tyring to make the next few weeks as comfortable as possible.   I splurged and purchased some nice new pillowcases, my face is so sensitive right now, I don't want anything to touch it.  I'm a stomach sleeper, so I'm curious to see if that is going to be a problem soon.  Also my 3 year old is used to hugging me and nuzzling into my face and neck.  I don't want him getting the Flourouracil on him, and it's getting a bit painful.  I'm trying to make snuggle time where he rests his head on my chest or something and I rub his back.  No cheek kissing either, now we have to do quick pecks on the lips only.  It's only for a few weeks.  I can do this.  It's really not that bad so far.

Day 4 Wedding Day Oh My!

Today I'm red!  I didn't see much difference when I woke up.  On the shower, I noticed the little crevice area on the left side of my nose felt as if it were cracked open a bit and stung when I got water and soap in it.  After I dried off from the shower my face was really peely looking, like after a bad sunburn.  I put on my morning dose of my medicine, then when I looked at my face in the car mirror, in the natural light I could see how red and spotty I was looking.  WOW!

I want to put make up over it for the wedding.  I'm wondering if there is metal in my makeup of any sort.  The Dr. said no makeup.  I always feel that need to push things, and I look abnormally red and spotty today for the wedding.  I thought of the warnings about not using a metal applicator with the Flourouricil and think I probably should not use make up if there is any chance.  I have to admit that before my son's ballet performance last night I did cheat and use a little cover up, which didn't seem to hurt anything.  Probably best not to mess with this stuff though.  I'm photographing a theatre group Monday, and ought to be good and freaky by then.  Maybe the thespians will not notice since they will all be in costumes anyway.  Pain and itching are pretty much non existent at this point.

Day 3 Not Much to Report

Today I am feeling a little more used to the oily feeling of the medicine on my face.  No one seems to notice how bad I look without makeup, I'm not getting any funny looks or anything.  I did notice I am a little red today.  I have not been in the sun, but it is starting to look like I have a very light sunburn.  I should be fine to photograph that wedding tomorrow.

Day 2 - So Far So Good

Yesterday was worse for me than today.  I think I was expecting to look horrible sooner, today, I think my skin actually looks more clear than yesterday. By the way, the exact topical chemotherapy medication I'm using is Fluorouracil Cream, USP 5%,which my pharmacist substiutued for EFUDEX 5% cream.


 I'm trying to get my life ready for the rough days to come.  I owed my oldest son some one on one mom time this summer, so I took him out last night.  Then we went to Target to get stuff I will need. I asked the pharmacist at Target to recommend a moisturizer to relive the pain and dryness for when it gets bad and she recommended Aquaphor by Eucerin.  She also said that Clinque makes a really good product, but I forget what it's called.  I'll have to go get some of that too. She told me her father was getting ready to have this treatment on a spot on his head, when she realized I am having it on my entire face, she looked a little horrified. Anyway, I'm trying to have all this stuff on hand so that I don't have to go out and frighten the public when I need it.

My oldest suggested that the next time I have to do this treatment, I time it over Halloween so I can be Freddy Kreuger.  I don't know where he gets it. 

At Target I purchased a box of rubber gloves to apply the Fluorouracil with.  It's recommended that you wear gloves, or wash your hands really well after applying.  The goal here is to remove the skin from my face, not my hands.  It also says keep it away from metal.....hmmm?  Ooops, science geek coming out, sorry!  I put a pea sized glob on my finger, dab it on my cheek bones, forehead nose and chin then smear that goop allover until it's rubbed in evenly.  The pea sized amount seems to be plenty, I have to admit, it may be just a tad bit bigger than a pea, but no where near a grape size amount.  Official medical terminology is obviously used here as well.

The worst part so far, not wearing makeup!  At the bare minimum I do not leave my house without concealer on.  I look like a bum, nothing really looks wrong yet, it just looks like I didn't put make up on. It looks totally unprofessional at my gallery, but I don't really want to explain to my customers why I look like I should be wearing curlers and stretch pants to match my face.  I am wearing eye liner and mascara today, which seems silly, but it makes me feel so much more beautiful.  I realized how stupid it was to even look at cute shades up lipstick etc, because when my face is one big oozing scab who seriously is going to be like, "Wow!  I love that lipstick!".  I loaded up on Carmex and the strongest kind of lip stuff I could find, I'm not putting the Fluorouracil on my lips, but I've read that dryness and dehydration can get a little bad, and my goal here is to stay comfortable.

Another mistake, I got my hair cut  and although I love the cut,  it was a huge mistake.  Ideally I would be able to put it in a ponytail, but it's too short.  I bought a bunch of headbands and clips to keep it back, but it keeps fighting for freedom and falling into my slightly sensitive face.  This is already annoying me, but  I am determined not to cut it off too short.  The worse part should only be for a couple of weeks, and I can make it.  Whether I cut it off short or not, this going to suck.

I think I should be fine for the wedding I'm photographing this Saturday.  I definitely made a good choice not to wait until the day after to start my treatment.  I guess I feel a bit better today, it's really like nothing at all so far, yet I know what is to come.  The calm before the storm....just like a hurricane.

Day 1 My Journey Begins

I decided to start my treatment earlier than I had planned because after researching yesterday, I learned that it takes nearly a week to start looking "bad".  Today is Wednesday, I  have a wedding to photograph Saturday night, and an Engagement Session Sunday morning,  possibly a local theater group Monday night, then I should be just starting to "show" and ready to hunker down for a few weeks.  I'm  trying to get the worst part over before we go back to school.  Of course this is my "plan."  In a way it is like getting ready for a hurricane, stocking up, trying to think of everything I might need and getting ready.  I took the kids school shopping last night because I figured I won't be able to go out in public to do it without causing a spectacle before school starts. 
I put my first treatment on last night around 5PM.  This am, it seems to be clearing up my acne (yes, 41 and still have acne), getting the dry skin off.  No pain or redness at all.  Can I use this stuff just to keep my skin clear?  I will try to post photos everyday of my journey on this blog.  Can I exchange this journey for one to the Caribbean?

7/26/2011

This year around my 41^st Birthday I decided it was time to get in to the dermatologist.  I was a skier when I was growing up in Washington State, not to mention most of my summers were spent on one of my family’s boats where I had my fair share of burns.  Several times I skied until the sunburn on my forehead was blistered and oozing into my eyes, and no matter how much my mother begged me, I just couldn’t resist those beautiful days of spring skiing.  Throw in the tanning beds I started when I was about 14, and the fact that even though I am very fair completed I loved to work on that tan whenever I got the chance.  I lived in California and Florida most of my adult life, so I had many chances, sailing, motorcycling.  I knew I had not been kind to my skin and it was time for that checkup.

The dermatologist confirmed what I was suspecting, even saying that the way it was manifesting itself on my forehead was something he usually saw in Northern Europeans, yep those mountain, skiing people.  I had many burns on the beach, and sailing, but those skiing burns were by far the worst.  Anyway the damage has been done, and now it’s time to pay up.  At first when the Doctor told me what he was prescribing I was like OK, this isn’t like “real” cancer.  I actually said, “so this isn’t really chemotherapy, it’s like one of those cosmetic peels, like Retin A.”  Wrong!   The explained this is really chemotherapy, just topical so that it kills the cancer cells on my face directly.  Also removing individual spots on the face is difficult and mine is spread all over so this is the best form of treatment.  He did remove a spot from my hand in the office by freezing it.  He also informed me I will need to plan on having this chemotherapy treatment repeated every one to three years the rest of my life.

My doctor explained to me I was going to have to take about a month out of the public eye. Ummm…..problem……. I am a business owner, a photographer with a wine shop downtown Pensacola.  I am also a school teacher and we are supposed to go back to work on August 15^th.  One week after that the kids come back to school.  Oh ya, and I have 3 boys ages 3 to 13 with busy schedules that I have to keep up with.  My husband works out of town during the week, and my family is up in Washington State. 

I sat there, trying to process everything the Doctor was telling me, and trying to fit it into my mental calendar. So many thoughts were racing through my mind at that moment like…. I can’t photograph weddings looking like Freddy Krueger.  Cancer!  What about my boys?  It won’t really look that bad.  Think of Kammy (my friend who has lung cancer) and how much she went through.  I can do this, it’s not an option, and I’m tough. The doctor didn’t feel that I had to start that day, just soon.  I decided to start August 1, after I photographed a wedding I’ve had booked for a while.  There was no way I could not show up to someone’s wedding looking bad, and it’s too close for them to try to find another photographer.  That would give me about two weeks until I went back to work. 

I thought I had it all planned out, until I started looking at online journals of topical chemotherapy patients today.  I could only find two guys from a few years ago.  I’m a Photographer, and a Science Teacher, so photographing and documenting my “journey” seems like the most natural thing to do.  Maybe others will see it, and my experiences will help them understand their own journeys, and what to expect, and even how to schedule it into their lives.  This is my story from day one of my treatment.