This year around my 41st Birthday I decided it was time to get in to the dermatologist. I was a skier when I was growing up in Washington State, not to mention most of my summers were spent on one of my family’s boats where I had my fair share of burns. Several times I skied until the sunburn on my forehead was blistered and oozing into my eyes, and no matter how much my mother begged me, I just couldn’t resist those beautiful days of spring skiing. Throw in the tanning beds I started when I was about 14, and the fact that even though I am very fair completed I loved to work on that tan whenever I got the chance. I lived in California and Florida most of my adult life, so I had many chances, sailing, motorcycling. I knew I had not been kind to my skin and it was time for that checkup.
The dermatologist confirmed what I was suspecting, even saying that the way it was manifesting itself on my forehead was something he usually saw in Northern Europeans, yep those mountain, skiing people. I had many burns on the beach, and sailing, but those skiing burns were by far the worst. Anyway the damage has been done, and now it’s time to pay up. At first when the Doctor told me what he was prescribing I was like OK, this isn’t like “real” cancer. I actually said, “so this isn’t really chemotherapy, it’s like one of those cosmetic peels, like Retin A.” Wrong! The explained this is really chemotherapy, just topical so that it kills the cancer cells on my face directly. Also removing individual spots on the face is difficult and mine is spread all over so this is the best form of treatment. He did remove a spot from my hand in the office by freezing it. He also informed me I will need to plan on having this chemotherapy treatment repeated every one to three years the rest of my life.
My doctor explained to me I was going to have to take about a month out of the public eye. Ummm…..problem……. I am a business owner, a photographer with a wine shop downtown Pensacola. I am also a school teacher and we are supposed to go back to work on August 15th. One week after that the kids come back to school. Oh ya, and I have 3 boys ages 3 to 13 with busy schedules that I have to keep up with. My husband works out of town during the week, and my family is up in Washington State.
I sat there, trying to process everything the Doctor was telling me, and trying to fit it into my mental calendar. So many thoughts were racing through my mind at that moment like…. I can’t photograph weddings looking like Freddy Krueger. Cancer! What about my boys? It won’t really look that bad. Think of Kammy (my friend who has lung cancer) and how much she went through. I can do this, it’s not an option, and I’m tough. The doctor didn’t feel that I had to start that day, just soon. I decided to start August 1, after I photographed a wedding I’ve had booked for a while. There was no way I could not show up to someone’s wedding looking bad, and it’s too close for them to try to find another photographer. That would give me about two weeks until I went back to work.
I thought I had it all planned out, until I started looking at online journals of topical chemotherapy patients today. I could only find two guys from a few years ago. I’m a Photographer, and a Science Teacher, so photographing and documenting my “journey” seems like the most natural thing to do. Maybe others will see it, and my experiences will help them understand their own journeys, and what to expect, and even how to schedule it into their lives. This is my story from day one of my treatment.
So, is the chemo making you feel bad physically? Do you have the nausea and everything else that goes along with "real" chemo? I think it is incredibly brave of you to document your treatment.You already have me thinking that I should see my dermatologist ASAP.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you put this on here, and you are a real trooper! I just got a diagnosis of b.c.c. and in lieu of surgery, i opted for the cream. Like you, i don't feel like this is "real" cancer like my sister has, or "real" chemo, like my sister has to go through. You have given me a better and more realistic perspective on this condition. Good luck with your treatment!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you put this on here, and you are a real trooper! I just got a diagnosis of b.c.c. and in lieu of surgery, i opted for the cream. Like you, i don't feel like this is "real" cancer like my sister has, or "real" chemo, like my sister has to go through. You have given me a better and more realistic perspective on this condition. Good luck with your treatment!
ReplyDeleteI am starting my "journey" tomorrow. Your journey is going to greatly help me know what to expect, thank you for posting it!!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story. Pretty much like my first time using Carac because of a squamous cell carcinoma on my face. Due to years of sunbathing and more years of becoming unnaturally brown in the tanning booths. Just turned 67 and haven’t had anything since but knew it was time to do it a third time. Yes, willingly. As well as you, I did have severe reactions to Fluorouracil. It was Hell. My pics were as bad or worse. I admit to still getting my legs tanned so I can wear shorts in the summer. I know. So tonight going to begin 5% F once again on my face. It’s been years since I’ve used it so hopefully won’t be as harsh but you know once you begin you can’t turn back. Thank you for your story. Back when I did it no one had photos of what was really going to happen and dermatologists didn’t tell you anything. I’d heard they’d talk among themselves that they would NEVER do it😳 I’d like to know your results the next time you used it.
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