My Journey Through Topical Chemotherapy - Fluorouracil 5% Cream and Carac .5% Fluorouracil Cream: Round 3

Day 8 Application Phase - Today is my 45th Birthday. Birthdays aren't a big thing to me like when I was younger, so I knew I'd look bad by today, but I really don't mind. It's more important to me to be healed up for my kid's birthdays. My oldest turns 17 on the 4th of July, and I want to be there and look half way normal. My youngest turns 7 on July 19th. Last year we had a lame family party at home since I looked bad. I tried hard to make it special, it was all Star Wars and everything. He wants a "real" party this year though, and a real party he shall have. My ex boyfriend (love of my life from last year.... ya I know....), told me he felt like he lost a month of fun time last summer, that my treatment ruined my time with my kids, especially my youngest's birthday, and half of his summer. That was a crushing thing to hear. I suspect this is a big part of why we are no longer together. I know everyone likes to think we can be supportive of someone going through this, especially if we "love" them, but some people are very outgoing, and being couped up with us may not be "fun". I feel blessed that I am no longer with him. We are still friends, he can send me a text to see how I'm doing then go about his life and not have to stay indoors with me for a month every year.

Today, I look pretty rough but I took the boys out for breakfast anyway. It's noticeable that there is something up with my face now, and people are doing that kind of looking, but look away thing. I can see their wheels turning. If it's someone I'm going to be dealing with I just say sorry my face looks like this and tell them, it's easier to just cut to the chase than to have them looking and trying to figure out what the deal is. It's easier just to answer that so that they can focus on whatever it is we are dealing with.

I learned something new today. It was cloudy, stormy and rainy and when I went outdoors it felt nice! I've never done my treatment in June before, so I can now see a benefit to doing it in the cooler months. The only problem for me would be the summer is when I get 2 1/2 months off, so summer it shall probably always be. Overall my birthday way good. I got to spend it with my boys, I don't know what could be better than that.

I'M GRATEFUL FOR THIS TREATMENT! I'M HAPPY I HAVE THIS OPTION! No, I'm not high on pain killers, and I'm not drunk. This fluorouracil treatment will hopefully lesson the chances of the precancerous areas on my face turning into spots that have to be cut off, or turning into melanoma. My face in in bad shape. I hate to think about my future without this treatment. If I live to 90, and I'm looking at this treatment at least once per year, I'm looking at another 45 treatments, 45 months of this. I can do it. It gets easier each time, not because my reaction is less severe, but because I know what to expect, and I know from experience how to prepare for it, what helps, and that this will heal and I and my life will be back to normal in a few weeks. Without it, would I have 45 years? No one knows of course, but I love my three boys more than I ever imagined I could love anything. I want to be here for them as long as possible, see them get through college, married, grandkids etc. If this will help to accomplish this task, then I am grateful and happy to have this option. I'm grateful that I can afford it, and that I have it in my schedule to do it. I'm alone, single mom with three kids this round. If I can do this, you can do this. I'm a total wuss.

Of course I'd be very happy if the medical community came up with a "cure", or a treatment that is less severe. I saw this glimmer of hope this morning, guess what I wished for when I blew out my candle this afternoon with my boys.....

Israel Making Progress On a Cure for Melanoma

Here are my 45th Birthday photos.....