Underneath it all

Underneath it all
I took the color out and you can still see me behind all the red.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Day 5 Blotchy Red Face that Feels Like a Bad Sunburn

I cheated and wore alittle bit of makeup to the wedding yesterday.  I waited a few hours after applying my medication before putting the makeup on. I still looked red, if anything it calmed the blotchy spotty effect a little. It did not seem to be any worse than normal (chemotherapy normal, not to be mistaken with pre chemotherapy normal).  I also promised myself that I was only wearing it because of the wedding and I will not do it again.
I got a few comments from people close to me about my health, and that it should come first.  The doctor knew about the wedding.  This was not the kind a thing a week here or there was going to make any difference on.  He was 100% on board with my decesion.  I am not in danger of dropping dead at any moment or anything.  Also if I tell someone I'm going to do something, I do it.  I've been let down by others who don't take their commitments seriously, and I could not let a bride down right before her wedding if it could be helped.  That would have caused me more stress than just timing it so I could do the wedding, which I am very glad I did.  It all turned out fine, and I felt such a load off my shoulders last night when it was over.
Today I am really red and blotchy.  It hurts and it hurts worse to go out in the sun. I'm avoiding taking anything for the pain yet, it's tolerable at the moment.  I'm taking my middle son, who is 8, to go see Harry Potter in 3D IMAX , I know it will hurt a bit, but he needs his time with me too.  I will probably get looks today, but it's still not that bad and once I get into the movie theater it will be nice and dark which is appealing to me today. 
I don't put the medication near my eyes or on my lips.  I've been using more Carmex and lip balm than normal, and I feel constantly dehydrated and chapped.  My mouth feels very tight today. I'm drinking lots of water, no alcohol by choice.  Just tyring to make the next few weeks as comfortable as possible.   I splurged and purchased some nice new pillowcases, my face is so sensitive right now, I don't want anything to touch it.  I'm a stomach sleeper, so I'm curious to see if that is going to be a problem soon.  Also my 3 year old is used to hugging me and nuzzling into my face and neck.  I don't want him getting the Flourouracil on him, and it's getting a bit painful.  I'm trying to make snuggle time where he rests his head on my chest or something and I rub his back.  No cheek kissing either, now we have to do quick pecks on the lips only.  It's only for a few weeks.  I can do this.  It's really not that bad so far.

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