Day 14 - That Healthy Glow

I'm going in to work in my classroom in a few minutes.  I'm dreading stepping outside the front door, not because I do in fact resemble Freddy Kruegger, but because I know it will be painful. I've been wearing my glasses instead of my contacts just because anything near my face feels more sensitive than normal.  I pulled out an old sun hat I bought in Puerto Rico, I looked like the poster child for dork.  They always hang posters and photos of these sexy brown models around tanning beds.  I think they should hang photos of people who look like me, discolored faces, peeling, cracking bleeding, in hats and clothes covering as much as possible. 

I  believe I understand the minds of the people visiting the tanning beds and soaking up rays, they hear this stuff, but they don't want to hear it, subconsciously they ignore it, and tell themselves it won't happen to them or "they'll have a cure for cancer by the time I get old."  How many songs do you hear about relaxing on the beach with a cold drink, and your SPF on? I just wish that they could see my face now in their minds eye.  I was invincible, I rafted a raging river by the light of the moon, I was a fire fighter, sailor, world traveler, I rode my motorcycle across the country alone, but I'm not invincible anymore.

My son is ready to leave now, I really don't want to step out  into the daylight because I know the pain that will come with it.  I pray some of you learn from my mistakes.  This is my last day of medicine.  I will continue to document my healing, and maybe further treatments over the years.  This is not some marathon I completed and get to feel like I have finished.  I get to do this repeatedly the rest of my life.  I try not to think about a year from now when I must once again apply the topical chemotherapy medication to my skin.  It will be very hard, but it's not for me that I do it.  I think of my kids, my mom, my husband, and I slather that stuff on, no matter how much it hurts.  It's not really about me anymore.  Thanks for allowing me to share my journey with you.