Day 8 Now I Know How Vampires Feel

I feel halfway comfortable indoors in the AC.  If I had my choice about when to time this procedure, I think next time in the spring or fall, before it's too hot or too cold.  Maybe somewhere where there are few daylight hours. I really needed to get to my classroom to start getting ready for the school year, or down to my business, but I can't stand the thought of the pain of going out there into the heat.  If only someone had invented a little cooler thingy to wear around my head. I still feel really worn down too.  I'm staying in my PJs. 

Today I have not ventured outdoors at all, my face doesn't hurt too bad if I don't make any facial expressions or talk.  Remy noticed I'm beginning to pronounce my "r"s as "w"s.  That is obviously because I'm trying to avoid the pain of moving my lips (try saying right and wite, you'll see what I'm talking about).  My husband is out of town and my family is far away.  I'm home alone with the kids, trying to get the 1/4 gallon of milk we have left to stretch until tomorrow to avoid having to go out into the hell that is daytime in Florida. Everytime I read a post on Facebook that someone is out at the pool or beach,  I feel pain in my face.  I'm not joking it's very weird. The past couple of days, I've gone out at dark which is not bad.  Unfortunately, the rest of the world is pretty much home in bed at that point. 

Ideally I'd have no responsibilities and could just hibernate and read for a month.  The reality is that is not my life.  Today is PJ day, tomorrow I'm going to have to suck it up and get out there and feel the burn. 

Note that even though I look worse than ever, at this point I really don't care, the pain is my main concern.  My doctor said I would hate him before this is over.  I'm not there yet, but I'd say the possibility is definitely there in the very near future.  I'm finally ready for pain killers....look out Ibuprofen, I'm coming for you.  Hardcore I know, and to think I live in the Hydrocodone capital of the world. 

I'm really regretting all the tanning beds, skier face burns, times I got burned on the boat or at the beach.  Last night I actually found myself wishing I could go back 30 years and redo all those bad choices.  The look of tan skin looks disgusting and painful to me  right now.  It must be like negative re enforcement like when they shocked my step dad every time he wanted a cigarette until he couldn't stand the thought of them anymore (as far as I know this practice is now illegal in the US because it caused nerve damage). In over 20 years of knowing him, he still hates cigarettes.  If anything I feel like I want to stay in the cool and dark.  The worst thought of all though, is that if somehow we miss a spot, or I slack off on staying on top of it, this could kill me.  It's not death I fear, it's that my youngest is 3 years old.  Even if I last another 40 years of getting these things cut and burned off me, he will only be in his early 40s.  At 41, I'm still too young to lose my Mom.  Yep, if I could go back, and make different choices, I would.