Healing Day 11- Light at the End of the Tunnel

This AM the when I got out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror the first thing I realized was that I didn't look like me.  If you've been reading my journey you might remember that the doctor put me on steroids to help feal my face because my reaction to the flourouracil had been so severe.  It has been healing up noticibly every day.  I still have large cracks in my cheeks, but they are healing.  Today I was swollen!  My eyes look small.  The entire shape of my face is pufffed up to the point, I don't look like me.  I'm sure it's the steroids.  I'm about halfway through my treatment with them, so maybe by next weekend, I will be starting to resemble myself again. 

It was difficult to attend a friend's birthday party last night after work.  I took my husband and my youngest with me which helped.  I still can't wear makeup, and everyone else looked so pretty, I looked like I had taken a break from scrubbing toilets or something.  My friend was very considerate and asked if it was OK for me to be in a photo.  I said no at first, but I didn't want her to not have that memory so changed my mind and said yes.  It's more about the fact that I was there, than how I looked.  I did have a nice time, and for the first time since I started this journey, I slept the night through.  That feels like such a huge step in getting better. 

Today I am photographing a beach wedding at one of the local hotels.  I'm a little concerned about avoiding the sunlight today.  I bought myself a big sun hat, and will wear a long skirt.  It should be allright.  Much of the pre wedding stuff will be indoors. 

I've heard from others about people they know who did this treatment, and they stayed indoors in the dark for long periods of time.  I'm glad that I did not do that. I know I have looked horrible.  Everyone was very understanding, and supportive though.  Some people want to say something to you, but they are worried they will offend you so they don't say anything.  Some people adjust and can talk to you about it when they feel more comfortable. I have to give people more credit.  Not one person was rude, no little child ran away in fright.  I got a few curious looks here and there, but most people could see I was obviously undergoing some kind of treatment.  EVERYONE has their things.  It's part of the human experience. 

My journey was not pretty, and it was painful.  I'm off all the pain medications and Tyelenol and all that now by the way.   This experience really helped me to see my life in a differnt light, and  changed my perspective on many things in life. I'll do it again.  I dont' fear it.  I can do it.  You can do it.  It beats the heck out of the alternative.  Now go hug somebody you love, call your mom, go watch the sunset or the wind blow through the trees, or go people watch at WalMart, just wear your SPF.